


Thirteen

by JasnotRottenblergh



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 11:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6236683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JasnotRottenblergh/pseuds/JasnotRottenblergh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I heard lots of ppl were mad abt the lexa death scene in my fav episode of all time, 3x07.<br/>I personally thought it was mindblowing and clearly a genius plot twist, very original i must say.<br/>I don't think lesbians can understand my train of thoughts and are frankly just stupid. I heard lesbianism does that to ppl.<br/>However, being the patient and understanding straight white men i am, i decided to write out the scene so ppl can relive the horror.<br/>I need everyone to see my genius. i am progressive i am groundbreaking.<br/>also, another opportunity to queerbait, so why not?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thirteen

**Author's Note:**

> [Trigger warning: Lexer dies.  
> keep reading anyway, bc i need the attention]
> 
> so why did i tag this under the clexa tag, u may ask?  
> 1\. i dont give 2 shits  
> 2\. i love queerbaiting  
> 3\. clexa have more fans than brollarke. i know where the money at.

[0.1 sec after clexa sex in 3x07]

clerk walks into her room, high on post-sex with badass bitch lexa.  
she look up and see muerphy tied to a wooden post, bound n gagged. shes shock.  
"Muerphy??" clerk says to herself. she runs over and tries to unlock muerphy from the chains without any keys.

"hes alive" titties says, coming out of nowhere.  
'how did i not see this bald eagle when i walked in? love rly makes me blind' clerk thinks to herself.

"wat did u do to my friend?" clerk asks, unable to decipher the strange situation. she is also unable to recall when muerphy became her friend.  
"ur friend was caught stealing from ppl on the way to the polis market." titties says

muerphy arouses from his deep slumber bc clerk and titties were talking too loud. muerphy is a light sleeper.

"hey, hey ur ok." clerk lies straight to muerphy's face. he is clearly not o.k.  
"pls don't do that." titties says firmly.  
clerk sees titties draw a pistol out from his baggy sleeves like a magicshian.  
'lol he cunt even hold the gun properly' clerk thinks to herself but doesnt say it. she stare at him like she scared.  
"titius wat is this about?" clerk asks calmly while raising her hands in surrender.

"im sorry it had to come to this clerk", titties says, clearly not looking sorry. "truly i am." he still isnt.  
"im leavin. right now. actavia's waitin for me just let me take muerphy and we'll go." clerk says franticaly.

"i wish i could" titties says. he actually can, but he doesnt. bc i wrote it. "she'll never execute her duty while u live" even tho lexa has been doing her duty the past 16 episodes.  
titties clearly did not tune in to watch #the100 weekly. maybe the tv in polis is not receiving signal.  
"wait titties think. shes gonna know it was u." clerk says bc it tru.  
"she'll think it wus him! skaikru weapon in the hands of skaikru theif" titties says, making zero sense.  
"she might even be angry enuf to declare A WAR!!!" titties scream like a lil bitch.

BLAM! titties fires and it hits the bed post, missing clerk by a long shot. clerk dodges anyway. muerphy shock.  
BLAM! titties fire again, misses clerk booty by about 10cm, hitting a ceramic vase which was in the way of 4 candles. thank goodness. heda would not be happy if candles were harmed in the making of this scene.  
clerk picks up a wooden chair, again out of nowhere and tosses it @ titties head. clerk has more aim than titties although she no trainin but titties does. plot twist!  
clerk hits titties square in the head and titties falls like a lil bitch to the ground. clerk runs towards the door, to escape titties nonsense. she outta here.  
titties doesnt know when to give up so he fire again. 

clerk hasnt even reached the door but titties fire at open doorway bc he left his prescription glasses in his drawer. he cunt aim for nuts.  
this however, gives clerk full view of heda walking in at that exact moment. she look at lexa tummy. there is a hole. but it is clearly not her bellybutton.  
"lexa" clerk gasp like she did in bed with heda 1 min ago.  
heda stares at titties in disbelief. 'i came here for a good time and honestly feelin so attacked right now. also im feelin a bullet lodged in my tummy.' heda thinks to herself  
how teh fuck is this happening. everyone is mindblown bc shocking plot twist. no one saw this cumming.

"heda.." titties drop the gun in shock. he is shock he shot heda. we r all shock titties actly manage to hit sumthing.  
heda look at her wound. heda look at clerk. 'titties that piece of shit', heda thinks and she fall on the ground.  
"no!" clerk says. she also shock. 

"heda..!" titties crawls like a lil bitch towards heda cus he know he a lil bitch.  
"help me get her to the bed!" clerk says to titties while titties pick heda up.

the camera pans to muerphy. oop we almost forgot abt him. muerphy still shock. 'fml' he thinking.

titties rush to the pimp bed and puts lexa down.  
"what have i done??" he asks to nobody in particular. he also get no answer.  
"i need something to stop the bleedin" clerk presses both her hands on lexa tummy. titties scrambles off.  
"it'll be ok, ok? just lie still, lie still!" lexa lies still bc she literally cunt move anywhere else from the pain.  
lexa puts her hands over clerk's "dont be afraid" she says, tryin to be noble and dramatic even in death.  
"ur gonna be fine just stay still.." clerk says. lexa is still stayin still.  
titties returns with a rag and a doggy bowl of water, instead of medics and first aid equipment bc he clearly knows wat is best for heda.  
clerk is frowning in confuse at the rag. she rips open the bottom half of heda's shirt to have a glimpse of dat purfect tummy for the last time.  
clerk pours water over the wound and press the filthy rag on it.  
titties takes out a red lady pouch in the background and seem to be setting up some equipment.

"shes losing too much blood" clerk states the obvious, while doin nothing about it.  
titties is still meddling with his lady pouch and takes out a rusty ass box. it looks like a metal tin for breath mints.  
"stay with me" clerk states the obvius for the 100th time, heda is clearly goin nowhere bc she cunt move.  
clerk finally notices titties meddling with his lady pouch.  
"what the hell is that???" clerk asks in disgust, watching titties patiently set up his rusty knives and scalpel like he on holiday in malibu.  
"titties wat r u doin??" clerk asks again bc titties is too focused on his dirty knives to give her an answer.

oop, the camera pans to muerphy again. we forgot abt him. he look shock.

"i will fix u just stay with me" clerk repeates for the 200th time but still doing nothin.  
titties walk over to lexa, finally done fiddling with his science lab kit.  
"get away from her" clerk says wat all the audience r thinking.  
"forgive me heda" titties says, cupping lexa face and staring at her like he sad n tearing.

[in Trigedasleng]  
"u will never attempt to harm clerk again. swear it btich" lexa says like a boss  
"i swear it" titties says like he sad  
lexer close her eyes with tear running down her face.  
"then do ur job" bc tities has done nothing right for the past 6 episodes.  
"serve the next as u have served me, flamekeeper" says lexer. not a good idea. there are only so many heda who can get shot in the stomach.  
titties nod and walk off for no reason.

"dont u dare give up" clerk says. one would think clerk is the one who has given up since she is doin practically nothing.  
"im not" lexa says "my spirit will live on". dramatic till the end.  
"no! im not lettin u die" clerk says angry. but she is.  
"theres nothin u can do now" lexa says. shes right. clerk isnt doin shit.  
the two lovebirds stare at each other like they ragret not havin sex maybe 3 episodes earlier.  
"the next commander will protect u" lexer says, still not giving up the idea of havin a dramatic speech before she die.  
"i dont want the next communder. i want u" clerk cries.

-scene cuts-

lexer is lyin in bed. her blood leaking all over the white furs. no dry cleaning gonna be able to salvage dat shit now.  
"im ready heda" titties says out of nowhere. nobody cares.  
clerk look at titties. clerk look at lexer. wtf is goin on?  
titties dip his fingers into lexas wound like he dippin fondue and start spreading her mucky black blood over his shiny forehead like he avatar.  
"clerk." lexer say dramatically.  
"im hear" clerk say, stating the obvius for the 200341th time.  
"ai gonplei ste odon [ma fight is over bitch]" lexer say.  
"no. no. i wont accept that" clerk say. but she have to. lol  
"u were right clerk. life is abt more than just surviving" lexer say, eliciting feel from the audience even when she abt to die. lexer why u do dis.  
"nggff-a" clerk mumble jumbles. im not sure wat she sayin but it sounds like she almost drop the f bomb. she cry. lexa cry.  
"in piss may u leave dis shore,  
in love may u find the nest,  
safe passage on ur travels,  
until our final jurney to the ground.  
May we meet again" Clerk say with emotion. we all cry bc eliza taylor is a feckin amazin actress.

The camera pans to muerphy again bc everyone has already forgotten abt him. muerphy is suddenly tied up no more. there is no explaynation. no one cares.  
he look uncomfortable. 'this is not wat i signed up for' he thinkin to himself. he awkward.

lexer looks at clerk like it is her final time. it is.  
clerk cry and give lexer one last kiss. she literally took lexer breath away with their final kiss.  
lexer is gone. clerk is cryin like she lost her lover for the first time. it is not. (rewind to episode 2x08 where i recycled my plot with finn)  
clerk loses it and cry like she deserve emmy award, camera pans to muerphy who just wanna gtfo of here.

titties push clerk out of the way.  
"i must complete the ritual, please. the communder spirit must be passed on. this is my practise. u mus allow me to complete the task, its what the communder wanted."  
when has titties done anything the communder wanted? we do not know.  
clerk steps back n muerphy grabs her becus he cunt take it no mor. "cum on we should go" muerphy says bc dis is not his type of party.  
"no!" clerk cries and slaps muerphy's hand away. muerphy is shock. he stand there.

titties says some rubbish in trisdasleg. no one give a fuck.  
he flip heda dead body like a hunk of meat. "wat r u doin???" clerk ask. titties no reply as usual. dis builds suspense for viewer.  
he comb lexa hair aside and we all see a tattoo on her naeck.  
"the sacred symbol" muerphy say, contributing to the conversation for once.  
titties pick up his rusty scalpel and starts fondling heda neck.  
"wat r u doin." clerk ask for the 1205th time, still not understandin dat titties aint givin her any reply.  
he cut into her neck like he dissecting a frog in high school biology lab. shootin her was not enuf.  
"omg" say clerk. "wth" say muerphy  
a godawful uglyass chip with jellyfish squid tentacles come out from heda neck.  
titties pull out the chip like a potato chip.  
"wot is dat." clerk ask again. "is an A.I." muerphy say. finally clerk got 1 answer.  
"wrong. it is the spirit of the communder" titties say. clerk n murphy stare @ titties bc he is wrong.

titties put the chip in the metal tin for breath mints carefully.  
he pick up heda like a piece of meat again and shout for the guards in the hallway.  
two guards come in 0.2 second.  
muerphy look like he just witness the biggest genius mindblowing plot twist in his life.  
he think 'why no one call the guards earlier. why the guards didnt hear gunshot. why did not one see heda get shot bc the door was still open. why heda stroll in the room defenseless like she rdy for sex round #3 when she hear gunshot from the room."  
He will never know. the audience will also never know. nobody knows. even i donut know. everyone is mindfuck.

"let the conclave begin. the communder is ded" titties say and carry heda out the room.  
"may her spirit choose wisely" say titties. may the next commander also choose a new advisor wisely. one that will not shoot them.  
the two guard stand there like planks of wood while titties shout the commands to no one.  
titties leave and the two guards shut and lock the door.  
muerphy runs to door and realise it lock. he bang the door. he squat on floor.  
clerk stare at the bed, not moving.  
'wtf is this shit.' she thinks. 'wot is this horrible script. this is not happening 2 me. am i end up with bellomie after dis. dis is not tru.'

 

but it is tru. i personally ship brollarke and it will happen bc i am progressive. i will end the scene here bc everyone luv my cliffhangers.  
someone once sent me fanmail 'i want to hang u off a cliff'. i love my fans.  
i hope u all love it. if u want more of my shit, pls comment, and give me an like. thanks.  
if u dont like it, still comment and like. i just like the attention.  
when i get 2 billion likes, i will write a new chapter. u can give suggestions abt which scene u want to see.  
p.s. i will not read ur comments bc i dont give 2 shits abt ur feedback. i just want u to appreciate my genius.  
i dint even do a spellcheck bc that is how much i care abt ur enjoyment. i will also delete ur comment if it is not praising me.

special thanks to:  
Eliza TayTay for saving my shit script. without her acting my script will be flushed down the toilet along with her toilet paper.  
Alycia Debnam Carrythe100 for saving my show and ratings. without her lexer would not have come to life (and also died. lol i am genius) and i would not have season 4. 

Since Alycia Debnam Carriedtheshow has been freed from my clutches, just tellin u all to watch out for her on fear the walkin dead on AMC.  
They may have a shit script but at least i think she will be alive there. they not as progressive and groundbreaking as me.  
i think that is all. ok.

Boom. Out. #justlikemyratings

**Author's Note:**

> also:  
> i heard they dummies trending LGBT Fans Deserve Better during my showtime n my spotlight when u all should be trendin #Theloo  
> i only know this bc they trended for 8h and 'renew the loo' trended about 10-15mins.  
> i know the lgbt community gonna be trending that shit from now on every week durin my airtime so all of u watch out for their trends.  
> donut help them. donut trend shit like LGBT Fans Deserve Better bc only J.Rottenblerh Deserves The Best.  
> im trendy. im progressive. im groundbreaking. im genius. boom. out.


End file.
